The Worst Therapist I’ve Ever Seen
I’ve visited a therapist for counselling twice; first for relationship counselling when the relationship with my husband was at its rockiest and the second, to re-tell the story and let it all out once my relationship had ended.
The marriage counsellor.
The first therapist I saw, jointly with my husband, made me question things from the perspective of myself. I realised that I had tied myself up so tightly with ‘us’ that I wasn’t looking after myself. I realised that I was scared to consider my own mental and physical well-being because I knew what I would find: someone who hated being in the marriage, someone who knew she was in a toxic relationship and someone who knew she wasn’t looking after her health.
And for most of my relationship, I couldn’t bear to entertain any of that. I had so desperately wanted someone else, needed them even, to validate my self-worth that I was putting up with far more than I should ever have done just to remain married. Just to experience those scraps of a moment where he looked at me like he loved me, respected me and thought I was his whole world. Then everything reset only to roll back around again.
I realised that I had tied myself up so tightly with ‘us’ that I wasn’t looking after myself.
She vocalised the issues that I buried, both in the relationship and within myself. When he said nothing to acknowledge or apologise for any of it, she didn’t inspire me to leave but she made me more certain of my choice to do so.
You can read the full story of ‘Why I Left’ here.
Looking for someone to listen.
I hired the second therapist to unload the full story of my separation and work things out more clearly by re-hashing them again for myself.
I had already spent months sharing the details of my toxic relationship with my family. Throughout my marriage, while my husband devoted his full attention to the seedling of his business, I would spend sunshine days with my brother and he would help me to see things from a different perspective, advise me and, most…